Billy Mays’ Oxi-Clean Funeral

2 Responses to “Billy Mays’ Oxi-Clean Funeral”

1. Johnny John John Says:
   July 7th, 2009 at 12:08 am

   We would hit the Vegas stip at 3:00A.M. and be hitting the doors by noon. Billy sold more cleaner than could fill the Luxor. Billy hit the hardest hit terrority, Vegas, LA, Salt Lake and never let the cold call get him down, never. The Jehovas would be coming down one side of the street and Billy would be marching up the other. A spary bottle of cleaner in one hand and a speeding ticket in the other. He’d fire off three, four demos before you could holler get off my f**k**g yard. Next thing ya know, your forking over the cash and Billy is still smiling. A carnie freak show of silvery love streaking down the pole all the way baby. Come on, who’ll give me a dollar and Billy will guess your height and wait, take a look at that stain on your shorts. How’d ya get that nasty, big, blue mark on your shirt, bro? Watch this. See this red ink pen? Watch, Billy will draw directly on your cloths and force that stain out the other side. Who’ll give me two dollars too see the hardest stain in your house gone? Bet Billy he can’t do it. Cool Aid? Grease? Look at those rims and that big ass oil stain on the concrete. Give me five dollars and Billy will wipe that conrete clean and make those rusty ass rims sparkle. We ain’t even in the house yet. Look at that vinyl siding and that nasty hard warter on the windows. Who’ll give Billy Mays ten dollar to see that hard ass water gone? Bam, it’s gone. Steak free and oh yeah we can do all the glass inside too. Who’ll give Billy a brand new twenty too see that red wine stain in the center of the carpet gone forever? Lock that pit bull up and we’ll come inside. Just a little free advertsing for a new product in the neighborhood. Gather round ppl, who’ll offer up a measly fifty too see that huge, noticeable, couch grease erradicated? Uno cleaner, mucho aqua. It’s a citrus product. Bio degradable, non toxic and pet freindly. See that massive crayon drawing on the kitchen wall? Who’ll give up a small hungy to see that wall finally and for once and for all clean? Come on ppl, we save you a paint job and the hassle. Watch and learn. We love ya Billy, Sully a hack. Probably slipped ya a mickey on the strip. **ck MJ. Anybody can dance, who can compete with the Mormons on a cold call in Salt Lake, two blocks from the tabernackle, with just a freaking spray bottle and that citrus scent in the air? COME ON. WHO’LL GIVE BILLY A POST DATED CHECK FOR TWO HUNGY AND YOUR WHOLE PAD IS SPARKLING CLEAN? Put it in the little green machine, let it soak overnight, put it on that carpet UNDILUTED. Put IT ON THERE STRAIGHT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!! CAN YOU HEAR BILLY? OH, OH, OH YEAH!! IT’S SO EXCITING WE’RE ALL HAVING HEART ATTACKS ON THE PLANE BACK TO TAMPA. Here’s how to order.

2. Hendricks Says:
   March 15th, 2010 at 2:32 pm

   I’m frightened that the Pit bull desires a special sort of owner…these pet dogs, regardless of how ‘warm’ nevertheless have teeth, are still animals with no moral concepts and when they DO bite, won’t allow go. As in all creatures…some tend to be much more suseptable to instinctual behavior and time and time once again, this breed tends to perform just that.

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